Barb and I hoped for a trip to another continent. Australia was a bit far and Antarctica, well a bit cold so we tended to plan a trip to the jungles of Africa. However, Ebola dampened our enthusiasm for Africa so instead we opted for the social jungle.
We attended a party where all the jungle creatures could be seen. There was the lion sitting on the couch with his flowing mane looking regal as he surveyed the crowd and letting out an occasional roar. There was the asp slithering through the crowd with a whispered hiss of venomous comments on the other party goers. Of course there was the domestic pig stationed at the buffet table feasting on the hors d’oeuvre . The peacock strolled in with his bright plumage of a green ascot and blue shirt and golden jewelry. There was a group of hyenas in the far corner with there laughing bark floating across the room to be heard by all. The giraffe stood out towering above the crowd with his height ducking below the chandelier that hung below seven feet.
I was enjoying my excursion so much that I missed seeing the wild bore sneak up on me and trapping me in the corner of the room. Trapped, I suffered his through his trite tales and stories I had heard many times before but not in such a rigid monotone. Fighting to stay awake and having difficulty to focus on his words, I decided the only way to fight the bore was to be on the offensive, take him head on. Interrupt his interruptions. slide along the wall until I could move quickly in front and corner him. I began to tell more trivial stories and older jokes often pretending to forget the punch line. I struggled to keep an unnatural monotone. It was a strenuous battle but I persisted. I could see him wearing down. His attempts to interrupt gradually waned in both frequency and strength. He tried to excuse himself but I had him trapped and would not let him escape. He tried my maneuver of sliding along a wall until he could escape, but I was on to his tactics and cut him off. At last feeling sorry for the beast I retreated knowing that I had conquered the wild bore and he feared me as much as I had feared him.
So take my lesson, you cannot defeat the wild bore passively by hiding. If you are trapped take the offensive. Keep talking, ignore interruptions, interrupt yourself and keep talking in the lowest monotone voice you can conjure up. Arm yourself with an anthology of old and boring stories. You may be able to escape from the wild bore!
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